خمسين
Fifty Percent
By: Triple A (أحمد عبد ٱلأول)
Fifty percent, what is this fifty percent about? It is about a term I often heard while I was still living in New York and continued hearing after moving to Georgia. Fifty percent is what half of Al Islaam is, it’s about being married.
I’ve often heard this term mentioned in various contexts relating to marriage but I rarely gave it any direct thought, irrespective of my being married or not. I should have given it more attention if for no other reason than because of how I feel about women, I love women, all of them, ‘especially my African sisters’.
The assertion in Al Islaam is that marriage is supposed to be fifty percent of a Muslims diyn, so if you are single you are missing out on half of your way of life, and if you are single you should be actively seeking to be married as soon as possible. That is the prevailing thought within Al Islaam. I have read The Qur’aan too many times to even try and count but I have never seen any verses that even alluded to this fifty percent. There definitely are verses in Al Qur’aan on the subject of marriage, as well as divorce, but fifty percent is not one of them. So where did this notion come from? It came from the ahaadiyth (stories). Is it a lie, this fifty percent notion? I really can’t say one way or the other but my feelings are; if it is true why has Al Rahmaan not included any verses in Al Qur’aan to inform us of this? I have to question the validity of the fifty percent because I not only have the right to question anything I am told is a part of my diyn, but it is also my obligation to do so. If I fail to do so then I am disobeying the Lord.
و لا تقف ما ليس لك به علم ان السمع و البصر و الفوءاد كل اولاءك كان عنه مسءولا
And do not follow what not you have knowledge of, verily the hearing and the sight and the heart all of these will be questioned 17:36
Not having found any verses in Al Qur’aan corroborative of the fifty percent notion I have no choice other than to look upon it as a theory, one that may or may not be a truth.
I find nothing wrong with being married and believe it to be not only a good lifestyle but also beneficial for adults, but I also have nothing against being single and it too has its benefits. To say that fifty percent of a Muslims diyn is lost because they are not married is something I have trouble accepting, unless Allaah said it. My rule book on Diyn Al Islaam is Al Qur’aan; it is the only thing that I know of that Al Rahmaan “sent down” for governance of this diyn. There’s an abundance of available information on Al Islaam, some of it is good but some of it is outright false, according to Al Qur'aan.
Being married and having a good wife or husband is a blessing, but the qualifier is ‘good’. A wife or husband who isn’t good is of little value in a marriage and having one who is actually bad can turn your marriage into a life of ‘hell on earth’. I grant you there are no guarantees of success when going into any marriage but the hasty marriages are usually the ones that fail. When the Muslims mentality is in line with the fifty percent theory of ‘I have to be married or I am losing half my diyn and half my blessings’ they place unnecessary burdens on themselves. By accepting the fifty percent theory they invite stress to become a part of their daily lives whether they realize it or not. Muslims who believe that theory often unconsciously believe their co-Muslims do also, and not wanting to appear ‘different’ or be outside of the diyn, they become enmeshed in the hasty marriages with their high probabilities of failure. Muslims may not realize it but this is not their diyn, Al Islaam is Al Rahmaan’s diyn. We Muslims should have accepted this diyn on the certainty that Al Rahmaan would never give us bad information nor lead us astray.
There is nothing any of us can do to guarantee a marriage will be a successful and rewarding experience for both the husband and wife as well as for any children in the relationship, but slowing down would probably help. Muslims need to slow down and allow time to get that fifty percent monkey off their backs, to relieve some of the stress and anxiety from their lives which accepting that theory may have invited in. They need to step back, take a deep breath, look honestly at that person who they might be thinking is Brother or Sister Wonderful and be as sure as possible they both are making the right decisions and for the right reasons.
What I saw that was so disturbing to me regarding marriage in Al Islaam is what I call the “Islaamic Marriage Go Round”. Brothers and Sisters getting married then they are divorced, they meet someone else and are married again then divorced again, and the “marriage go round” just keeps on turning with them on it, they don’t know how to get off of it, and after awhile it appears to be a diyn of its own. Sometimes the cycle does stop but not by choice. For some the cycle stops when they come out of their self imposed stupor and realize there’s no one left around them they have not been married to and divorced from, or they have ridden the “marriage go round” so long and often that no one is left who wants to ride with them. But even that doesn’t stop some of them, not in the least, they woke up but they still didn’t smell the coffee. So what do they do; they leave their communities or go out of town shopping for another wife or husband. Some people just do not get it! Or it may be they are thinking they are scoring “get me into paradise points” by riding on the “Islaamic marriage go round” so often. And do not try and act as if you have not observed some of this because you probably have, or, you may even be one of the riders. Either way my brothers and sisters this negative cycle needs to stop.
Do you really want to wake up one day and find out that you are not in bed with Brother or Sister Wonderful and that it’s really “The Alien”? I’ll bet you will get the dust off The Qur’aan then!
The time is long past due to take an honest assessment of what is going on in our communities, it’s not healthy. And do not think for a moment that our children are not being impacted by this because they are. They may not say anything, but they’re watching us! We might be the determining factor of whether they will be in this diyn or not.
Last Updated 02/12/2010